Episode #196 Becoming Good: Daragh Fleming on Grief, Emotional Expression, and Letting Go

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Gavin Meenan sits down with Daragh Fleming to talk about the roots of Daragh’s work around mental health and emotional expression—especially for men. Daragh shares how his best friend’s suicide when he was 17 shaped his life, how grief and guilt evolved over time, and how emotional numbness, therapy, journaling, and poetry helped him reconnect with feeling. They explore how men are often conditioned to funnel nuanced emotions into anger, the tension around “masculine vs feminine” labels, and Daragh’s view that the focus should be on being a good, healthy person rather than chasing a narrow definition of masculinity. The conversation also touches on relationship vulnerability, emotional safety, self-regulation vs co-regulation, and how Daragh’s writing and online work developed over years into bigger opportunities.

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Show Notes

Daragh and Gavin finally record together after years of missed timing and moves between countries/cities. Daragh speaks about his best friend taking his own life when Daragh was 17, and how that introduced him to what “bad mental health can cause.” Daragh explains how his work centers on talking about mental health and “normalizing emotion,” especially men expressing emotions. Discussion of how certain emotions (like anger) are socially acceptable for men, while sadness, rejection, disappointment get funneled into anger. Conversation about “masculine and feminine energy,” how labels can create barriers, and why Daragh is “tired of talking about masculine.” Daragh’s view: focus on being “a good and healthy person” rather than “a good and healthy man,” and that becoming complete means feeling the full range of emotions fully. Daragh shares his grief process: early “healthy” crying, then guilt for feeling okay, and later emotional numbness (“emotional anhedonia”) lasting years. He describes recognizing depression in a psychology lecture, denial due to stigma, and a turning point after taking MDMA once, triggering his first panic attack, leading him to therapy. Daragh talks about writing lonely boy (starting as journaling), self-sabotage, “survivor’s guilt,” and learning to believe he deserved happiness. He discusses long patterns of running from relationships, fear of vulnerability, and later being in his first long-term relationship (nearly a year and a half) and learning to “lean in.” Reflection on emotional safety in relationships, communication, mutual respect, and holding space for each other. They discuss not sharing every emotion, regulation, and that feelings can be real while the “story” may be untrue or out of context. Daragh shares guilt details: declining lunch the day his friend died, and a chest tattoo reading “live through me,” which created added pressure and shame during depression. Daragh explains how writing returned through journaling prompts in therapy, early publication validation via a friend connected to a poetry magazine, and poetry as a way to “funnel the flame” of feeling. Discussion of the “writers need to be messed up” cliché and writing evolving into new themes like raising children. Daragh talks about a poem that went viral and changed his career, and his response to “Dangerous Men” by Lucas Jones. Daragh reads his poem “Becoming Good.” They discuss opinions vs objective truths, division online, defensiveness, and allowing room to admit being wrong.
DaraghOutro: where to find Daragh’s work, plus mentions of music from April, an EP, and a new book coming in August, and partner shout-outs.

Episode #196 Becoming Good: Daragh Fleming on Grief, Emotional Expression, and Letting Go

The Modern Warrior Podcast

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